Husband asking for advice about iffy CC wife.

[pieceout]

So, my wife is from the left coast and no brothers. There were no guns in her house, toy or otherwise. We live in a declining community and with the election of an anti-gun administration and a few neighborhood scares she opened her mind up to the idea of our first firearm.

She's only fired at the range once and that was enough to get her on board for the initial purchase. This leads to the next logical question, what about CC.

My wife as reservations about me carrying. Now, she is a good wife and excellent mother so it isn't a matter of 'who wears the pants' but more about her overcoming a few misconceptions.

I think her reservations fall in this order...

1. safety (as in being new to gun ownership not hurting myself)
2. money (knowing full well that CCW permit means another firearm to carry, because the first was for home defense)
3. reputation (she knows that eventually her family will find out and scold or look down on her for allowing guns in the home)

So my question to the ladies on this forum is this.

What can I say to her to ease any of these concerns (and others I'm sure I'm not aware of)?
If any of you were not 'on board' with gun ownership initially, what brought you around?

[AlanM]

There are several sites online that provide the female view of handguns and personal protection.

One is in the Cleveland area: http://www.thebredafallacy.com/

Another lives in Hawaii: http://www.corneredcat.com/toc.aspx
and addresses ALL of the things you mentioned.

Also check out the Second Amendment Sisters site

Good Luck,
At least she's receptive.

Chicks with guns....

it's a good thing.

[Mrs. Daspirate]

I wasn't on board with guns at first, in fact I asked Joe kindly not to carry when he was around me - but I didn't mind if he had them and carried them.

What changed my mind was repeated exposure, a journey or two to the range, and Joe adamantly informing me that I would learn to handle them safely whether I liked them or not, because if we were getting married and they were going to be around, there may come a time when I would have to at least move them, even if I never shot them; my own safety and that of anyone around would depend on my doing so properly.
His insistence that his safety was partially dependent on my being calm around his firearms was probably one of the things that turned the corner for me on the safety issue. It showed me how seriously he took it, and how much he thought about it. And it made sense.
My family is also not exactly the most gun-friendly. They aren't the worst family, so it wasn't that bad, but I simply informed my mother one day that at some point in the future I might be getting a CHL, and that out of respect, I would not carry in her house if she wished it. I said it in a way that made it clear the decision was already made, but tried hard to keep it from being antagonistic. She just blinked a little and said, "thank you for letting me know - and as long as I can't see it, I don't care."

[pieceout]

okay, yeah. i am lucky she is open to it.

shooting for the first time made a huge difference. I think I just need to keep her going out. she's confident handling one now and actually has an acquaintance who carries so that seems to have moved us closer to the cc.

if i can come up with the funds to get the second gun I don't think she'd actively object but i'd rather she be all for it and ultimately I'd love for her to carry but i'll leave that up to her.

[Moneypit]

Honestly to me it seems that her family's disapproval will be the major obstacle. Any family members you can bring to the dark side? Also is the gun she fired one she feels comfortable with? I like to shoot my 9mm but find shooting the 22 more fun. My son's enthusiasm while teaching me and his making range time "fun" went a long way for me. I was once anti-gun until he taught me. We learned a lot together. If your wife can learn with you and make it something you two truly do together as a type of project then it may interest her more. Confidence is key. How can you build her's when it comes to shooting? Good luck.

[dan dan the XD40 man]

1. safety (as in being new to gun ownership not hurting myself)

You can always take some classes to help out there. Learn the 4 rules and follow them.

2. money (knowing full well that CCW permit means another firearm to carry, because the first was for home defense)

Money is always an issue. Would you rather have the ability to defend yourself and your wife, or the ability to watch HBO. Some things are worthy of whatever sacrifice you need to make. IMO, this is one of them.

3. reputation (she knows that eventually her family will find out and scold or look down on her for allowing guns in the home)

Allow me to be blunt for a moment. How would her family feel if your wife were raped/kidnapped/murdered because she was unable to defend herself. Additionally, screw what your family thinks, your/her personal safety is far more necessary than the approval of people who neither pay your mortgage nor provide for your safety.

[P-chan]

My wife didn't want guns in the house, but after her and my stepdaughter moved in and we got married, I bought my first handgun and a small bedside safe to keep it in. Her initial reaction was "I don't want it in the house" but I explained to her that they were my family and I didn't plan on letting anything happen to them, and I certainly wasn't going to wait 10 minutes+ for the police to show up.

It probably helped the cause that one of her best friends was abducted and murdered by two men while getting gas after work one evening. She knows I carry regularly now, and has been shooting with me a couple times (even my 8 year old stepdaughter has, after some safety training with an airsoft pistol )

In fact, a few weeks ago, we were going to visit a friend of mine who lives in a bad part of town, and once she found out where he lived, she immediately asked "Do you have your gun?" to which I replied, of course I do dear

Also, one night she took my stepdaughter to see a movie at a mall and they got out after dark (I was working at the time), and she noticed a group of 3 men following her around the mall, even loitering outside stores she went into (trying to lose them). She headed toward the exit with a group of people and exited the mall and made it to her car safely, but I told her that it was pretty stupid to leave the mall while there was someone following her. She should have gotten mall security to walk her to the car or at the very least, have mall security go have a conversation with the men while she made her break for the car. I mentioned that she would have been much better prepared for such a thing if she had her CHL and was armed. She agreed, but said she didn't want to do that just yet. I think eventually she will want to take the CHL class.


Sad to say, but it sometimes takes a scary event to get some people to warm up to the idea of carrying.

[pieceout]

thanks for the most recent comments...

1.She is feeling more comfortable with me handling a gun now that she has.
2. Money will always be an issue. We are on the Dave Ramsey plan and haven't got credit cards or cable. We've cut almost all 'unnecessary' spending except for a few things and are trying to get out of debt completely.
3. I hope it doesn't come to something scary for us to get to cc. It is easy to say "screw your family's opinion" especially when they're not your family. naturally my wife doesn't want to become an 'outsider' when visiting the people who raised her and this is a major hurdle in cc but not unconquerable.

Like i said previously. I don't think she'd actionably object to me cc-ing but i will need to purchase the other gun so that's were I'm trying to get to at the moment.

[dan dan the XD40 man]

It is easy to say "screw your family's opinion" especially when they're not your family. naturally my wife doesn't want to become an 'outsider' when visiting the people who raised her

I've had several family members killed by criminals with firearms. Pretty much all of my family is anti-gun due to that fact. Maybe it's just me, but the ability to defend myself and my wife is far more important than worrying about being "an outsider". If they dont apporve, I dont really care. If my family doesnt want me to come around because I carry a firearm, then my family doesnt want me to come around period. Like I said, maybe I'm odd in my thinking. But I dont really think so. Outsider>Victim

[willbird]

Honestly, do you lay EVERY private niche of your life out for the families approval ? I didn't think so, there are boundaries...or should be....and gun ownership can be within those boundaries of need be. Just keep it with your other private stuff that is nobodies business, and not open to a family vote .

As to safety......every gun owner/user was at that juncture once.....some gun owners/users STAY there, some learn enough to become proficient and safe.

Bill

[jabeatty]

You bored this morning, Bill?



(This thread was just a tad stale at this point...)

[willbird]

You bored this morning, Bill?



(This thread was just a tad stale at this point...)

Nope, just have not clicked on this forum in awile...so it showed up as an unread thread .

[TunnelRat]

Nope, just have not clicked on this forum in awile...so it showed up as an unread thread .

Holy resurrected thread, Batman...!

[dl1911]

I can understand the family issue. My dad isn't bad about it and even plans on coming to watch me shoot IDPA this year. My sister is okay with it as well. My brother-in-law is another story. When he learned I not only had a gun (no need for him to know it's plural) but also had a CHL, I swear he not only backed away a little but looked at me like I had grown horns. He specifically didn't want it near him. So I treat his and my sister's house as a CPZ and lock it up in the car when I go there. A few times we've gotten together elsewhere and I don't know if he was aware that I was carrying or not. I do know that he hasn't stepped foot in my house since then. Am slowly working on getting him used to it. He's not an anti, just doesn't want anything to do with them, be anywhere near one, etc. Don't even want to think about how he'd react to the AR!

As far as another good site for info, especially for women and families, check out the Cornered Cat (http://www.corneredcat.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;) or the book by the author (http://www.amazon.com/Cornered-Cat-Woma ... 261&sr=8-1" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;).

[EChryst]

When he learned I not only had a gun (no need for him to know it's plural) !

You have more than one????

I'll talk to my wife and she what her opinions are. We were in the same boat.