is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mom in

Use this forum to post your experience with encounters with law enforcement, criminals, or other encounters as a result of your firearm or potential to be carrying one.

Moderators: Coordinators, Moderators

is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mom in

Postby 1928 » Mon Oct 10, 2016 12:03 am

since there is an off topic board here I thought I would ask this

wife will soon be entering county jail for seven months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. I have a daughter who is 15 and she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how her mother is "getting ordered around now". I think it is just a joke and I think it is better to be that way instead of being hysterical about it . I was originally not going to let her visit her mom in jail because I would think exposing her to that environment is not a good idea but I am actually hearing that it is a good idea to let her visit but why? isn't it a bad idea to let a 15 year old be exposed to a jail. She could easily be intimidated by the guards and inmates and just the area. My wife says bring her if she wants to visit but don't if she doesn't. She says she doesn't have a problem visiting but I am not sure.

Even I find the jail environment to be intimidating. If I do, how can a 15 year old handle it?
1928
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2016 11:58 pm

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby JustaShooter » Mon Oct 10, 2016 8:19 am

I agree with your wife - if she wants to visit, bring her, if not, don't. (From where I'm sitting, having her get a bit intimidated about jail isn't a bad thing. Maybe it will help give her clarity in making her own good decisions.)
Christian, Husband, Father
NRA Life Member
NRA Certified Range Safety Officer
NRA Certified Pistol & Rifle Instructor

Want to become more active with OFCC and help fight for your rights? Click Here!
User avatar
JustaShooter
OFCC Coordinator
OFCC Coordinator
 
Posts: 4507
Joined: Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:08 pm
Location: Akron/Canton Area

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby TJW815 » Mon Oct 10, 2016 3:29 pm

From the viewpoint of being the child that was visiting their parent in jail, I would recommend to let your child decide. At 15, she is capable of making this decision.

The visitation process isn't intimidating in my experiences. It will be an eye opener for her though to see all the different walk of life that will be there.
User avatar
TJW815
 
Posts: 2435
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2012 7:13 pm
Location: Warren County

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby OhioPaints » Mon Oct 10, 2016 3:39 pm

TJW815 wrote:The visitation process isn't intimidating in my experiences. It will be an eye opener for her though to see all the different walk of life that will be there.


I assume jails vary but the one I have seen (Mason Co, Ky) has a room out front where visitors are taken. You don't see anyone other than the one inmate and maybe a couple of guards.
User avatar
OhioPaints
 
Posts: 5612
Joined: Sat May 13, 2006 4:22 pm
Location: Brown Co./ southern Ohio

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby ruger » Mon Oct 10, 2016 4:13 pm

I agree with the others who said let he decide for herself.

On another related topic, if your wife is on any sort of court-ordered supervision after her release, are you able to keep firearms in the house if she is there ? If she was convicted of a felony, and is on supervision, her probation officer / parole officer may not be happy if there are guns in the house.
ruger
 
Posts: 44
Joined: Wed Nov 11, 2015 10:02 am
Location: North Central Ohio

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby tracker 6 » Mon Oct 10, 2016 4:14 pm

Wasn't this posted in the past?
tracker 6
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon May 28, 2012 11:07 am

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby The German » Wed Oct 12, 2016 5:23 pm

What is worse? Not seeing the mother in 7 months even though she wanted to or seeing the results of a crime first hand while meeting with the mother? No question in my mind.
NRA Life Member
NRA Certified Chief Range Safety Officer
NRA Certified Pistol Instructor
info@primercatcher.com
www.primercatcher.com
User avatar
The German
 
Posts: 307
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 7:39 pm
Location: West Chester, Ohio

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby Tru-Heathen » Wed Oct 12, 2016 5:33 pm

OhioPaints wrote:
TJW815 wrote:The visitation process isn't intimidating in my experiences. It will be an eye opener for her though to see all the different walk of life that will be there.


I assume jails vary but the one I have seen (Mason Co, Ky) has a room out front where visitors are taken. You don't see anyone other than the one inmate and maybe a couple of guards.



That's been my "limited" experience in jails also.

On the other hand,my visits to the Marion Correctional Facility & the Pre-release center in Columbus took place in Day Room settings with Correctional officer supervision & other inmates and visitors at separate tables.
A wayfarer should not walk unarmed,
But have his weapons to hand:
He knows not when he may need a spear,
Or what menace meet on the road.

- Verse 38 from the Havamal, the Wisdom of Odin.
User avatar
Tru-Heathen
 
Posts: 658
Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2013 1:17 pm
Location: Hardin County

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby 1928 » Wed Oct 12, 2016 11:27 pm

Thanks for answering.
Main problem I have is
She will see her mom in a jail jumpsuit
She will see other inmates and women behind bars
The guards could be intimidating
Is that ok for a 15 year old to see?
1928
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2016 11:58 pm

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby pirateguy191 » Thu Oct 13, 2016 4:14 am

1928 wrote:Thanks for answering.
Main problem I have is
She will see her mom in a jail jumpsuit
She will see other inmates and women behind bars
The guards could be intimidating
Is that ok for a 15 year old to see?


It's part of her life. Let her live it.
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem." - Ronald Reagan

"When democracy turns to tyranny, the armed citizen still gets to vote." ~ Mike Vanderboegh

NRA member, NRA basic pistol instructor, DBACB
User avatar
pirateguy191
 
Posts: 10694
Joined: Sat Feb 14, 2009 12:06 pm
Location: 44146

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby RichN » Wed Oct 19, 2016 5:14 pm

1928 wrote:She will see her mom in a jail jumpsuit


She already knows her mom isn't perfect. If the mom is worried about her image, the best thing she can do is own up to what she has done and set the example by showing your daughter that actions have consequences, and the responsible thing to do is deal with the results of your actions in a positive manner.

1928 wrote:
The guards could be intimidating


So could the cops if she gets pulled over for speeding; are you going to not let her get her license?
So could one of her teachers; are you going to lobby the school to let her switch classes?
So could her first day of college; are you going to tell her to skip college?
So could her first job, are you going to support her the rest of your life and then have her go on welfare.

I'm assuming we aren't talking about strip searches?

1928 wrote:Is that ok for a 15 year old to see?


We aren't talking a preschooler here, and teens are stronger than you think as long as they have been raised in a safe, supportive environment and allowed to grow along the way.
If you try to shield her from everything until she is an adult, then you will likely turn her into one of those kids in college who need a safe place to go to whenever they are faced with something even the slightest bit outside their comfort zone.

You don't magically become a functioning adult on your 18th birthday. You have to grow into it, and I think 15 is plenty old enough to handle this situation. Compare it to the kids who are loosing a parent to cancer at the same age. At least this one has a positive outcome in sight.
"Those who would give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."
- Benjamin Franklin

"So this is how liberty dies; with thunderous applause."
- Senator Amidala (Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith)
User avatar
RichN
 
Posts: 527
Joined: Sun Mar 07, 2010 8:33 pm
Location: Southwest Ohio

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby 1928 » Thu Oct 20, 2016 12:25 am

RichN wrote:
1928 wrote:She will see her mom in a jail jumpsuit


She already knows her mom isn't perfect. If the mom is worried about her image, the best thing she can do is own up to what she has done and set the example by showing your daughter that actions have consequences, and the responsible thing to do is deal with the results of your actions in a positive manner.

1928 wrote:
The guards could be intimidating


So could the cops if she gets pulled over for speeding; are you going to not let her get her license?
So could one of her teachers; are you going to lobby the school to let her switch classes?
So could her first day of college; are you going to tell her to skip college?
So could her first job, are you going to support her the rest of your life and then have her go on welfare.

I'm assuming we aren't talking about strip searches?

1928 wrote:Is that ok for a 15 year old to see?


We aren't talking a preschooler here, and teens are stronger than you think as long as they have been raised in a safe, supportive environment and allowed to grow along the way.
If you try to shield her from everything until she is an adult, then you will likely turn her into one of those kids in college who need a safe place to go to whenever they are faced with something even the slightest bit outside their comfort zone.

You don't magically become a functioning adult on your 18th birthday. You have to grow into it, and I think 15 is plenty old enough to handle this situation. Compare it to the kids who are loosing a parent to cancer at the same age. At least this one has a positive outcome in sight.




Of course but the difference is that a jail is a place of confinement this more intimidating
1928
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2016 11:58 pm

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby Brian D. » Tue Nov 01, 2016 9:28 am

You've had a few weeks to mull this over since asking for input. Come to any sort of conclusion yet?
Quit worrying, hide your gun well, shut up, and CARRY that handgun!

********************************************************************************
1911 and Browning Hi Power Enthusianado.
Brian D.
 
Posts: 14683
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2005 8:42 pm
Location: SW Ohio

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby MyWifeSaidYes » Tue Nov 01, 2016 11:11 pm

1928 wrote:...
Of course but the difference is that a jail is a place of confinement this more intimidating


What do you think "intimidating" means?

Why are YOU are more scared than your daughter.

Either take your daughter to visit her mother, or have someone else take her to visit...while you seek the aid of a therapist to get over YOUR "intimidation" issue.
MyWifeSaidYes
User avatar
MyWifeSaidYes
OFCC Coordinator
OFCC Coordinator
 
Posts: 5402
Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:59 pm
Location: Central Ohio

Re: is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mo

Postby hank.forker » Fri Nov 04, 2016 9:24 am

As a C/O in a state facility I have to say that in my experience visits have a positive influence on the inmates that are trying to do their time and not come back. It serves as a reminder and incentive to behave and change. Take your daughter. Don't be scared, the officers will be nice to you.
User avatar
hank.forker
 
Posts: 277
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:17 pm
Location: Ashtabula


Return to Real Life Encounters

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 2 guests